Colby’s Thoughts

crocs with socs™

Have you ever worn a pair of crocs?  Many people feel that crocs are hideous shoes that should never have been invented.

A friend of mine is quite the shoe collector and is actually straight.  When he got a pair several years ago, he made it a point to mention how comfortable they were.  I filed this away for future reference as I think far too many shoes are far too uncomfortable.

Fast forward several years to Thanksgiving 2008.  There was a new outlet mall in the area that was having some crazy sale for which they were opening at midnight — as if 6am on Black Friday isn’t early enough!

My wife opted to go check it out with friends.  I opted not.

This is one of myriad ways that I know my wife loves me.  She shops (often for me) while I sleep.  It is a wonderful form of multitasking!

She bought a pair of crocs for me to wear around the house.  We had just moved into our new home and after donating my spleen to have the carpets cleaned, we had decided to use different shoes for inside and outside of the house.  This is actually pretty common in many countries (I’m not referring to spleen donation).  Alternatively, some avoid wearing shoes in the home altogether.  In the states, either method is quite an adjustment.

I tried them on and though I was not impressed, my feet rallied and their combined votes overturned my personal preference.  I’m not sure, but I think the long “Ahhh…” uttered by my metatarsals was faintly audible.

Now, let’s examine for a moment “fashion”, which in itself, cracks me up (not crocs me up – follow along with me).  Fashion is kind of a funny thing in that it is actually defined as a “prevailing style” where prevailing means “frequently” or “continuously in use”.

So, the runway models that you see on these highfalutin “fashion” shows really don’t reflect “fashion” after all.  They are like the concept cars that one sees in a Detroit auto show.  They aren’t on the road and they certainly aren’t prevalent.  The clothes they wear are concepts that some designer thinks or hopes will bring them fame, fortune, or both.  I know, someone out there is going to say, “But you can actually buy those clothes – unlike the concept cars!”  Fine, you go right ahead.

What we see in the real world, is that crocs, though they may be ugly, are actually fashionable by definition because many people wear them.  Adding insult to injury, is the severe ugliness achieved when one wears socks (or socs™) with one’s crocs.

I’m actually quite open to this because I’m a “form follows function” kind of guy.  In Germany, I learned that socks with sandals provide what is often the perfect balance of “warmth with ventilation”, regardless of how ugly they may be (I’m not saying Germans are ugly — as I said, follow along with me).  After all, millions of people can’t be wrong, right?  Hmmm… perhaps I should skip the reference to the holocaust.

So, I came up with the phrase “crocs with socs™” which I effectively own.  I now receive a royalty for each time my trademarked phrase is used world-wide.  The appropriate sub-royalties are, of course, paid to the crocs company for that first word in the phrase which still belongs to them, per our negotiated contract.

In order to comply with the royalty structure, please be sure to click the PayPal link below in order to pay the appropriate fees each time you use the phrase “crocs with socs™”.  If the PayPal link is not displayed in your browser, please click the refresh button ad naseum until it appears so that you can be fully compliant.

Fashion, Humor

This is my first fashion post.  Some of you have been eagerly anticipating it while others are running for cover.  Don’t roll your eyes just yet.

Remember, I’ve already said that I’m the dictator here and I’m an expert on all topics I write about (as far as you know).

Let me begin by defining a word (from Wiktionary)

fetter (plural fetters) n.

1. A chain or similar object used to bind a person or animal by its legs (usually in plural).
2. Anything that restricts or restrains in any way.

to fetter (transitive) v.

1. To shackle or bind up with fetters
2. To restrain or impede; to hamper.

Currently, the topic is baggy pants.  In many contexts, I subscribe to the principle that “form follows function“.  What this means is that something has to work properly first before you try to make it look nice.

This is where so many modern fashions fall short (or in this case, shorts fall, as in “to the ankles”).  If you cannot perform the normal functions that one encounters throughout the day, then why choose that style?  I submit that this is one of the reasons we don’t see many garments made from plates of tinted glass.  Yeah, that conjures up a bloody sight.  When new, they’d probably look pretty cool though!

I cannot even imagine trying to run in these baggy pants.  Have you ever heard of the phrase “caught with your pants down”?  People are out there right now being “caught with their pants down” on purpose.

Running and performing other routine tasks in these pants would be on par with wearing leg irons, otherwise known as fetters.

Supposedly, this trend in pants originated in the prisons.  Strange that people would want to imitate it in the free world.

There is a simple test that can be used to determine if a garment is acceptable.  I call it the “burger and soft drink test”, though you could also call it the “two limbs free test”.  Can one wear the garment and eat a burger while holding on to their soft drink?

Pants that require the coordinated use of at least 3 limbs are impractical.  Ever notice how the wearers of these fetter pants have to use one hand and a strange “hitch in my giddy-up” step in order to keep from fully exposing themselves?

Yes, leg iron pants (LIPs for short) just don’t cut the mustard.

Now, just in case you’re inclined to disagree with me, I’m warning you!  There is a “Fashion Police” and they agree with me.

Isn’t it interesting that a fashion that originated in the prisons is being imitated on the street and, in some cases, sending people to jail?

Fettered by one's own volition

Culture, Fashion