Fettered By Fashion
This is my first fashion post. Some of you have been eagerly anticipating it while others are running for cover. Don’t roll your eyes just yet.
Remember, I’ve already said that I’m the dictator here and I’m an expert on all topics I write about (as far as you know).
Let me begin by defining a word (from Wiktionary)
fetter (plural fetters) n.
- A chain or similar object used to bind a person or animal by its legs (usually in plural).
- Anything that restricts or restrains in any way.
to fetter (transitive) v.
- To shackle or bind up with fetters
- To restrain or impede; to hamper.
Currently, the topic is baggy pants. In many contexts, I subscribe to the principle that “form follows function“. What this means is that something has to work properly first before you try to make it look nice.
This is where so many modern fashions fall short (or in this case, shorts fall, as in “to the ankles”). If you cannot perform the normal functions that one encounters throughout the day, then why choose that style? I submit that this is one of the reasons we don’t see many garments made from plates of tinted glass. Yeah, that conjures up a bloody sight. When new, they’d probably look pretty cool though!
I cannot even imagine trying to run in these baggy pants. Have you ever heard of the phrase “caught with your pants down”? People are out there right now being “caught with their pants down” on purpose.
Running and performing other routine tasks in these pants would be on par with wearing leg irons, otherwise known as fetters.
Supposedly, this trend in pants originated in the prisons. Strange that people would want to imitate it in the free world.
There is a simple test that can be used to determine if a garment is acceptable. I call it the “burger and soft drink test”, though you could also call it the “two limbs free test”. Can one wear the garment and eat a burger while holding on to their soft drink?
Pants that require the coordinated use of at least 3 limbs are impractical. Ever notice how the wearers of these fetter pants have to use one hand and a strange “hitch in my giddy-up” step in order to keep from fully exposing themselves?
Yes, leg iron pants (LIPs for short) just don’t cut the mustard.
Now, just in case you’re inclined to disagree with me, I’m warning you! There is a “Fashion Police” and they agree with me.
Isn’t it interesting that a fashion that originated in the prisons is being imitated on the street and, in some cases, sending people to jail?
Fettered by one's own volition